I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
