The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
