you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
