THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
