My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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