new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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