I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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