I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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