you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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