Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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