oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No more Irish car bombs ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
