trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
