The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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