Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
