That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
