Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This house was built for laser tag.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
