If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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