im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
