it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
