We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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