if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
