Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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