Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
