do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
