so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
bring money and cleavage
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
