Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
