Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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