I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
