All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
