Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
