If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
