you traded sex for a burrito?
Farmville is her only friend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
