textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
