He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
