my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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