her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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