we made out on top of his cat.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
