I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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