I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
