I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize