I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
