Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
