She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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