I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
