Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
