Where did you get a picture of my penis
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize