Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my shit smells like andre
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
