that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
