Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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