My first STD was from a foam party
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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