I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
