i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
