dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
