So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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