yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
