How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
