I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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