Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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