I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
