the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
