I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
