Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
