god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
