After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
