Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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