Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
